The website of best-selling sex author Anne Hooper
MORE PELVIC EXERCISES
Inhibitions prevent us from being fulfilled. The over-layer of childhood commands – ‘thou shall not touch thyself’, ‘thou shall avoid appearing ridiculous at all costs’ – are the greatest culprits. The exercises on this page are designed not just to awaken pelvic sensation but also to test and overcome childhood shame.
THINK POSITIVE – CONQUER OUT-DATED MENTAL CONTROLS
Our parents couldn’t help being brought up in old-fashioned times. They inherited rules and regulations about sexuality that were originally vested in their grandparents. And so it stretches back. The legacy for us is that we struggle with outdated mental controls that we may not even know have been lodged inside us. As children we cannot escape our immediate family’s attitudes and examples. We take these in as easily as we breathe. Our ‘normal’ world is composed of this unconscious learning.
But a general understanding of sexuality has flowered in the latter part of the 20th century. We are now better informed about sexual response and how sex actually works, than we have ever been historically. Some of this new knowledge leads to conflict. For example, a built-in inhibition about appearing ridiculous can seriously disrupt a sex life. The act of sexual intercourse in broad daylight, or with all the glare of electricity, can indeed look visually ridiculous unless you consciously go for a graceful and artistic style of love-making in which case, you will probably be so busy concentrating on performance that it will be impossible to climax. Climax needs you to forget all your surroundings and focus single-mindedly on your sensations – in this sense, it is truly a meditation.
The following exercises not only ask you to leave preconceptions behind, they ask you to deliberately encourage what might seem like ridiculous behaviour and body poses. Exaggerate the poses. Examine your feelings. Can you bear them? Can you laugh? Do you feel strong? Can you enjoy what you are doing? The hope is that you will be able to push your sensual experience and your internal confidence that much further.
With your back to the wall, place your feet against it. (This is an all fours version of the pelvic rock.) Rock your pelvis back on an in-breath (bottom up) and then rock your pelvis forward on an out-breath. As you rock back push with your hands against the floor. As you rock forward, push against the walls with your heels. Do this 10 times. It is only your pelvis that moves. At no time do you need to come further forward with the rest of your body. As you continue, you will feel the tension build up along the legs and up the thighs.
On all fours, rest your head on the floor, with your arms spread out on the ground on either side of the head, with your bottom sticking up into the air. Deliberately exaggerate how far you can make your bottom jut out. As you do so, grow aware of the following sensations: expansion in the chest (particularly in the breasts); a loosening and relaxation of the stomach and a sense of the buttocks opening and spreading. Tune into this sense of opening.
This exercise is mainly for women, although men can try it out if they wish. Squat down, knees bent and out to the side, with your arms inside your legs and your heels on the floor. Since most of us are not contortionists, it may be advisable to begin by putting a book beneath your heels. Hold on to something if you need to keep your balance. The object is to open up and relax the genital area while maintaining rhythmical breathing. Do this for three minutes. People with knee injuries may either do this by lowering themselves slowly, first taking the weight of the body on their hands to reduce sudden knee pressure or may leave it out altogether.
One problem males sometimes experience is feeling too tense in and around the genitals. This manifests itself by the penis and testes being held up high against the body for most of the time instead of naturally relaxing and dropping down. Some men get aroused too quickly and inconveniently. The testicle pull is a method of letting the genitals relax and of defusing sexual arousal. It can be done in any position that feels comfortable. Take a testicle in each hand and gently pull down. Hold for a count of three and then let go. Do this for an average 20 times but you can do more if genital tension is extreme.
If you feel silly doing any of these exercises don’t worry. You are experiencing them correctly. Just stay with your feelings and get used to them. You’ll find that you not only survive but enjoy the experience.