The website of best-selling sex author Anne Hooper
HOW MORAL ARE YOU?
1 Moral imperatives
1) If, on a walk, you chanced upon a couple of youths, apparently sexually assaulting a young woman, would you
a) approach them immediately in an attempt to stop them as soon as possible even though this is at considerable personal risk?
b) tell yourself the girl is probably enjoying it and walk on?
c) rush to the nearest phone box and call the police who may take some time to arrive?
2) You have a number of demands made on you for a particular summer week end. Would you choose
a) to spend it with your partner and children on a family outing?
b) to research for a good cause inside a darkened office?
c) to date a new attractive friend who you’ve been longing to get to know better?
3) You are happily married and want to stay as such. But on meeting some one new and very attractive do you
a) tell yourself you just want to get to know them as a friend and make a date?
b) tell yourself your marriage is at risk if you date and fix an outing with your partner instead?
c) tell yourself you deserve a break and go all out to seduce them?
4) You are at an overnight conference and have the opportunity to go to bed with someone you’ve always desired. But you know they’re married. Do you tell yourself
a) their marriage is their business, not yours and jump at the opportunity?
b) that you may be hearing indirectly their marriage is shaky and that you should take a raincheck if you don’t want to get involved?
c) that you don’t want the responsibility of hurting an innocent third person and so you pass the invitation up?
5. You and a married colleague have experienced a “coup de foudre” and you long to sleep with them. Do you tell yourself
a) your mutual feelings are pure lust and therefore it’s safe to go to bed because nothing complicated or emotional is involved?
b) your mutual feelings are pure love and these will dynamite your existing and valued marriages so should therefore be ignored?
c) this already feels like something so big it shouldn’t be passed up at any cost?
6. Your partner is sexually inhibited and you are getting impatient with their hesitation with regards oral sex. Do you
QUIZ HOW MORAL ARE YOU? 2
a) lose your temper and insist on oral sex on the grounds it’s the only way they will ever begin to get used to it?
b) lose hope and resign yourself to a dull sex life with the possibility of needing affairs?
c) encourage your partner to explore their sexuality, if necessary doing this with the guidance of a sex counsellor?
7) Your partner wants you to try the experiment of swinging with another couple.
a) shocked and horrified because sex should be for the private expression of love between two people?
b) willing to try the experiment but know, in the back of your mind, that you probably won’t be able to enjoy it?
c) outraged because swinging seems so clearly dangerous in light of AIDS that you feel your partner can no longer have any respect for you?
8) Your best friend’s partner is gorgeous and you both know you fancy each other like mad. You are both unmarried. The opportunity for sleeping together presents itself.
a) decline to make a move on the grounds that best friends are more important than lovers?
b) go ahead guiltily on the grounds that as long as she doesn’t find out, it won’t matter?
c) go ahead joyously on the grounds that “all’s fair in love and war”?
9) A friend asks you for assistance in arranging an abortion. You dislike abortion but are not against it in all circumstances. Do you
a) agree to help without question on the grounds your friend has all rights over her own body?
b) worry about your involvement and suggest she thinks instead about adoption?
c) refuse to help on the grounds that you would feel bad about doing so?
10) Your neighbour is regularly the worse for wear with drink and you’ve heard him beating up his wife and kids. Recently you have reason to think he’s also sexually assaulting his daughter. But you don’t actually know.
a) tell yourself to leave the situation well alone on the grounds you could be wrong?
b) confront the man himself and tell him that unless he stops you’ll shop him to the authorities?
c) tell the authorities anyway even though you may not have got it right?
1) a.red b.blue c.white
2) a.red. b.white c.blue
3) a.white b.red c.blue
4) a.blue b.white c.red
5) a.white b.red c.blue
6) a.blue b.white c.red
QUIZ HOW MORAL ARE YOU? 3
7) a.white b.blue c.red
8) a.red b.blue c.white
9) a.blue b.red c.white
10) a.blue b.white c.red
You possess a firm sense of what is right and wrong and are unusual in that you have few doubts about acting on this. Indeed your dedication to living up to your conscience is so admirable it’s positively old-fashioned. This isn’t to say it’s easy. It isn’t. It’s one thing to know what the right thing is and quite another to be able to do it. So you struggle. But you usually overcome! And your choice of behaviour is not an unthinking choice that blindly accepts what others have taught. Yours are decisions that have been thought-out in an adult manner, balanced against a changing world.
Your morals are slippery to say the least. Top of the list comes pleasing your self often at the risk of others. However you would also say that we live in a dangerous world today and that if you are going to survive you have to look out for number one because nobody else is going to. If that is true, yours is a long-term strategy. However it is likely to breed such moral anarchy that pre
diction has it future men and women will re-develop a sense of communal caring if only in reaction. Yet your morals too may be in a state of change and this period of selfishness may lead you towards something else. Selfishness can be healthy in some circumstances. You live life fully and are very happy much of the time. Take a look at Charles Kingsley’s The Water Babies. His character Mrs Do-As-You-Would-Be-Done-By still has a message for you.
You inhabit a kind of moral middle ground. You are open to expanding your horizons and do this by venturing onto territory that you don’t feel entirely comfortable with. Most transition stages are uneasy and you are to be congratulated for your strength in experimenting and in questioning (either consciously or unconsciously) the values you were reared with. To feel stronger about your behaviour think harder about your priorities. What feels truly important? And contrast this with what you think ought to feel important. Those “oughts” are your moral imperatives. Take a hard look to decide if they are still relevant to you today.
You are either totally amoral, ie, you have no morals at all. Or you are the complete “flexi-person”, changing your beliefs with every single change of circumstances – a type of moral chameleon. This could indicate you are in a confusing state of flux, possibly uprooted from your home of origin and quite unsure of how to relate to others in your new circumstances. Don’t be afraid of being yourself. Others will adapt to you just as you’re trying desperately to adapt to them. Have some confidence in your beliefs of origin.